Never is a Promise
by PageKarasu
Summary: 1x2 Heero finally takes initiative when Duo’s life is threatened even though he knows that a relationship probably won’t work out in a war. What does Heero have in store…


Title: Never Is A Promise 1/1

Author: PageKarasu

Archive: Angst, Yaoi

Pairing: 1+2

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Slight angst. Heero OOC?

Spoilers: Eh. None.

Notes: This fic was a concoction of many random thoughts. My apologies if it isn't as good as expected. It is missing the last stanza from the song; it didn't fit into the story. I wanted to have them end up together even though the song is extremely melancholy and that last verse just wouldn't allow it. Written: Aug. 1, 2002.

//blah// - denotes lyrics

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and the Gundam boys are in no way mine. I don't own them. Nor do I own the song I used. " Never is A Promise" by Fiona Apple is not mine.

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Never Is A Promise

A laugh amused and determined. "I got it Heero. I got this one. I owe you for that one time anyway buddy."

"No."

"Aww. Suddenly you care about my well being? I'm touched."

"No. I don't care whether you live or die. This is not your mission."

Another laugh, this time feigned amusement over bitterness, "Don't even try to stop me. I will do this…" Thrusters shot off leaving a trail of smoke. "No matter what you say, I'll do it. For you."

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The black and white lines faded in and out of the vidscreen, a slight hint of Duo's skin and the blood was all I could catch a glimpse of before the screen went blank. And that red light. It shouldn't have been blinking, it wasn't supposed to be. And the blood... it wasn't supposed to be there. The death of the screen and the seamless crackle of the electricity given off by what was left of metal were all that were there in my field of vision. I sliced my way through the lifeless cluster of mobile suits hindering my path toward Duo. I aborted my mission. I aborted my cause. All for him. This wasn't supposed to happen.

//You'll never see the courage I know

Its colors' richness won't appear within your view

I'll never glow the way that you glow

Your presence dominates the judgements made on you //

There were too many pieces. Where was he? A line of sweat trickled down from my forehead into my eye. It made my vision go blurry. I underwent the urge to wipe it away but my fingers wouldn't unsteel themselves from my search. Another bead of sweat settled onto my nose. My knuckles whitened. There's no air… he can't breathe and his helmet won't hold out for much longer, if he even cared to put it on. My lungs tightened, multiple scenarios running rampant in my mind. I shook my head and wiped the perspiration onto my suit. In turning my head slightly I spotted a solitary piece, so far away, not by any other.

As I slid my helmet on, I attached the hose to my suit and glided out to it. I drifted closer to the metallic slab. My heart went triple beat as I reached out to the void and grabbed Duo's torn collar, pulling him close to my body. Suddenly I wanted to give him all the warmth of me that I could. He had his helmet… he didn't give up on me…us. Silly that I even thought such a thing, seeing as I was too cowardly to ever tell him how much I really cherished him.

I caught view of a few wisps of golden brown hair as they floated past my face and my eyes flashed as I reached for his braid. I sighed in relief as I slid his braid into the sleeve of my spacesuit and wrapped it around my wrist. It was something he'd always told me to do if I didn't want to risk losing him in any given place. My eyes stung unfamiliarly at that thought and I held him tighter as I quickly made my way inside Wing. What was I thinking letting him do this? I miscalculated his survival probability for such a mission. I would have never…

//But as the scenery grows I see in different light

The shades and shadows undulate in my perception//

There wasn't much room in the cockpit so I sprawled Duo onto my lap. His body was lax and I could barely stand to look at him, but I needed to look him over. I had seen blood before and so I cupped him carefully in my arms and peeled him out of his suit with grim wariness. I mentally battled the idea of leaving him alone as I flew us to the base but this couldn't wait. I needed to fix him now. I pulled his head against my chest and carefully inspected his upper body. The climate was too cold to do a full check and I refused to lose him under such a circumstance. I trailed my hand over his collarbone lightly and my eyes tightened and hazed a little when he exhaled deeply. I wouldn't lose him under any circumstance.

//My feelings swell and stretch

I see from greater heights

I understand what I am still too proud to mention… to you//

The sudden swarm of bright lights drew me away from the stained silky skin and I stilled myself. The slightest whisper of mobile suits could be heard coming in my direction. I guessed they were checking for any survivors. Duo was in more need than even I was. He was all that mattered now and I rationalized it in my mind. I jerked in realization that being caught would signify the capture of not only myself, but Duo as well. I quickly looked over my controls and find that I had enough power to leave the enemies in my dust… but if they were to follow me I would stand no chance. I searched my surroundings without giving any inclination that Wing and I were indeed functional. There were three far behind me, one to my left, and one right on my ass. My head started pounding as I tried to rush my thoughts so I could make sure Duo stayed stabilized. Duo told me he'd never do something like this. He said he'd be all right or he'd be dead. No in between… and unlike how I thought that I could never feel… I was so scared.

//You say you understand but you don't understand

You say you'll never give up seeing eye to eye

But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie//

There was only one thing to do and that was to get the hell out of there. Flipping up the speed gage and accessing stored power; I threw the switch and burned the suit behind me. I held Duo tightly once more shielding him from impact. I guess I predicted wrongly because the other four suits were nowhere in sight. There was the briefest moment of question before my thoughts turned me back to Duo. Initiating auto-pilot, I finished tending to and wrapping Duo up.

I allowed Wing to take us all the way back to base. I had fallen asleep with Duo in my arms, trying to retaliate if just a little, from my fatigue. About 15 minutes before we arrived I was thrown into reality by Duo's screams of pain. I was frantic in trying to calm his flailing body and endless wails. Thinking he was going into seizures all I could do was hold him down, but he took one look into my eyes and calmed, settling back into my embrace with wide eyes of terror and a detached tenseness. I could tell that he still wanted to scream out. Something was wrong… on the inside. I thought he was okay…

//You'll never touch these things that I hold

The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own

You'll never feel the heat of this soul

My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown… to you//

"Duo? What hurts?" My voice echoed in the denseness of space.

"Heero."

"Are you alright?"

"Heero…"

"Tell me what's hurting you," I insisted, pressing my hand against his forehead swiping his bangs away from his face.

Tears were falling again. So quickly that my shirt was soaked where Duo's face rested against me.

"Duo?"

"Something hurts." Duo says, unblinking.

"Where?" I asked with urgency, as I glided my hands over Duo's bare stomach.

His eyes start to slide shut. Not from my touch, but as if he's about to pass out. I can't let him.

"DUO! Where does it hurt? Tell me where it fucking hurts!"

"Tell me Heero," Duo said trying to keep his eyes open, " What you meant before I left. You can't possibly be that…"

"Your health is at risk. This is not the time," He was always one to bring up things like that at times like this.

"Oh, okay..." Duo said as his eyes began to close again.

I slid my hand behind his head and shook him a little more vigorously than I should have to wake him again, " What hurts, Duo? I want to help you."

"Heero. You idiot, you liar. My heart... among other… things. Just let me sleep."

My face twisted in mild confusion and hurt, but I deserved it. I really did.

//You say don't fear your dreams it's easier than it seems

You say you'll never let me fall from hopes so high

But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie//

"No. Duo you can't," I said, moving my hand from behind his head to wipe the wetness from his face. It was then I saw my hand and I didn't know why I hadn't noticed it before but blood was slowly seeping from his head. " Duo, open your eyes. Your head is bleeding."

I wanted to say that I was sorry for anything that I ever did to him. I wanted to tell him that I wanted him as more than a friend. That he was even a friend in the first place. That I really do care about him regardless what comes out of my mouth sometimes, but I couldn't and it was almost enough to make me cry. I heard him whimper and gave up on talking to him. I had to keep him awake, up, alive.

I put my mouth to his. In a fit of desperation I kissed him harshly. He squeaked awake and stilled for a moment. I pulled back to see his eyes wide filled with confusion and pain. I was sure that my eyes held that same confusion because I could feel my eyes dripping it. Yet coming slowly closer to his face, my lips hovered over his teasing, testing in question. His eyes flittered open and closed as I felt him part his lips and I dipped down grabbing them with my own. This was what I wanted. I felt my heart throb in my throat and my ears ring. I had never felt anything as intense as my lips on Duo's.

The next thing that I knew, we were landed and the doctors and technicians were rushing to open Wing's door. I just sat clinging Duo to my body, my eyes closed and his braid wrapped around my wrist. The gust of air and light from the warehouse shocked my eyelids into opening. I heard Quatre distantly cry out in relief that Duo was safe with me… with me. Why did I never notice how much I needed Duo? Why did I wait until something like this happened? Why would I do that to him? Thousands of questions went through my head as they snatched Duo out of my arms. I looked to him, glad that my kiss kept him alive and though his body was lax as they pulled him away, glad that he kept a firm grip on my hand until his fingers slid from mine.

//You'll never live this life that I live

I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night//

Someone, though I don't know whom, ran their fingers over my own injuries. I guess my wounds were finally getting to me.

"No. I'm fine. I'm capable of dealing with it myself. Tend to Duo. He has a right broken wrist, shoulder needs to be rebandaged, two ribs broken, severe concussion, and left twisted ankle," I told them, raising myself up and out of the cockpit.

I felt a little sketchy and Quatre came to my side to hold me upright, " I'll be fine, thank you," I said to Quatre, walking away.

"Don't touch my Gundam." I gritted, not even looking back at the mechanics that I knew were racing towards it.

Every second I was in pain, I thought of Duo. I was worried out of my mind. Something that I wasn't accustomed to and always feared. I wanted so badly to promise him that I'd always make sure he'd stay safe, that'd I'd always be with him. I was the only one that was supposed to die in this war. Resisting the sleep I knew my body needed, I went to him with these thoughts still lingering. I just knew that's where I wanted and needed to be.

The doctor was in checking on Duo's vital signs. He looked to me with sympathetic eyes and right then I felt a disgusting sense of terror run through me.

"How is he?" I asked, face showing nothing of what I felt.

The doctor breathed heavily through his nose and smiled sadly at me. My eyes narrowed and he dropped his smile, scribbling something down. "Not good. I'm surprised he made it through the fight."

I felt a gush of anger wave through me. What was he talking about, he was surprised Duo made it through the fight? Duo was a damn good pilot. It angered me even more because I knew that Duo fought with all his heart, helping to gain the moral of peace and happiness.

"What are you talking about? He is elite. He was ambushed."

The doctor visibly winced at the protectiveness in my voice. He flipped through his sheets, fully intent on giving me the run down. " I'm also surprised he made it to the base. If it wasn't for you I'm sure he wouldn't have. I'm sure you know of his injuries, but he also had a cracked pelvis, extreme oxygen depravation and mild to severe internal bleeding. I was able to stop the bleeding and he is stabilized for the moment," He said, as he adjusted the monitors and I pulled a chair next to Duo.

"Heero, his vital signs are low and I'm honestly not sure that he'll make it through the night. All you can do is pray… pray for him."

I heard the door close softly, " Pray." I whispered.

//You'll never hear the message I give

You say it looks as though I might give up this fight//

And that was what I did. Because that was all that I could do. The chair long forgotten, I climbed next to the dying form that I had neglected for so long. It scared me so much of how just earlier in the day we had been drinking coffee in the lounge and his laughter rang throughout the room… getting smiles or smirks from all of us. It scared me how rapidly things went from good to bad. I realized then that I had been feeling a lot lately. Things had just gone so quickly and now they were going even faster. I carefully buried my nose into the crook of Duo's neck, smelling his hair. It still had, even after a long day in battle, a hint of strawberry shampoo smell to it. I reached for his shirt, tugging at it wanting to feel his heart beating. My fingers met his cold cross and I opened my eyes. I had never really looked at it. It was gorgeous and I clutched onto it with my other hand. My eyes hurt... felt raw and so I closed them and prayed until I fell into a fitful sleep.

I woke up to a soft breath on the back of my head. The soldier took over immediately and I shot up unaware of my surroundings only of the sunrise crawling into the room. A groan came from the bed and I became conscious of Duo. I was with Duo. Duo was alive.

//But as the scenery grows I see in different light

The shades and shadows undulate in my perception//

"Owww. My chin." Duo slurred.

I tentatively reached down and hugged Duo. He was surprised to say the least. " Uh… Heero. Why are you in my bed? Why are you hugging me? Oh my god… did I get lucky? With you?"

I looked at him. A breathy laugh escaping my lips. I never thought that I'd be so happy to hear him blab like that.

"You don't remember?" I asked, eyes on his lips.

I leaned down kissing him fully on the mouth. I kept my eyes open to see his reaction and his eyes went big. As I pulled away, the realization hit. Oh he remembered and he was trying to gather his thoughts. There was a long silence and just as he was about to say something, no doubt to scold me for being the bastard I act so much like. I reached for his crucifix and held it looking into his angry and confused eyes.

"I…I prayed for you."

His eyes softened immediately and he almost looked like he was going to cry. I could tell all pending arguments from him faded away. He slid his fingers through my hair, rustling the hair on the nape of my neck. God, only he could do that to me and make me forget everything that I ever was.

"I wished that you would care about me for so long," Duo said, as he smiled.

//My feelings swell and stretch

I see from greater heights//

" I lo… um… thank you, Heero. So much."

//I realize what I am now to smart to mention… to you//

I knew he was going to say that he… loved me. I know he does. Somewhere deep down I wanted to hear it, but I think that he knew that there would always be something that would interfere with that love. He doesn't want that. There's too much weight that he and I would carry with it and I understood. So it was unspoken and even as we shared kisses of love, he would never bring it up. He couldn't promise that. I couldn't promise it either. Not in this war, not now.

So with that, I took the braid that was hanging off the edge of the bed and wrapped it around my wrist. I came close to his face, planting a long kiss, hoping I could tell him how much I cared that way. I smiled at him, grateful he was there… with me.

I wiggled my wrist. " I won't lose you this time."

Owari


End file.
